Overthinking At Its Best
I have a mind that wanders. Thoughts are always swimming in here, where one thought bleeds into the next. Most of the time this thought process is a gift. I am able to have a long strain of thoughts, one into the other that lead me to thinking about God. Sometimes though, the constant thinking is a curse.
Sometimes I think myself into the negative. Saturday I had all day to myself. No plans. A dream come true to some but a danger to me. I simply had too much time to think. By the time evening rolled around I was a ball of regret. All day I had been questioning everything. Every bad decision I've ever made, every choice, every wrong turn. It carried over to the relationship I love the most, the one with God. It clouded my mind and my mood.
I tried to overcome the sadness it caused. I think I did a good job of pretending.
I woke up Sunday thanking God for another day but the feelings of doubt still weighed heavy on my mind. I did the only thing my little head could think to do....I prayed. I asked God to take away my feelings of doubt. I finished my coffee and went to do the dishes. I asked Alexa to play my Christian playlist...3 times. Each time that little computer told me it didn't understand me.
I told it to shuffle Trish's playlist, a playlist I created of music that isn't Christian, just to make sure it was connected. I dont listen to it often, but sometimes the mood strikes. Trish's playlist started up and, I believe, it was no mistake my Alexa didn't understand me. For reasons known only to me, the Alexa played a certain song which rocked me to my core in a way it never had before.
I was brought to my knees and I cried as the truth of who I am became clear to me once again.
It is there, on our knees, that God lifts us up and works his miracles. For me today, God reminded me that I am indeed enough. I am who God says I am, a child of God!